Lynxes and Wolves Reintroduced to Cull Anglo-Saxons

Following steps by the government to seize back Britain for the British, plans have now been proposed to bring back lynxes and wolves in hopes they will stop the spread of Anglo-Saxons.

Many senior politicians have pointed out that the animals were wiped out some time in the last two-thousand years and it just so happened that Anglo-Saxons arrived approximately 1500 years ago. Lord Ladymead-Hughes has told Islington Echo today, “It’s just not a coincidence. One millennium we’ve got indigenous, British born and bred lynxes and wolves. The next, all the lynxes and wolves have been replaced by Europeans. It’s a fascinating correlation, don’t you think?”

According to the IFS, Anglo-Saxons are essential to our economy. Some reports even state that almost all workers in vital fields such as banking, politics and PR are Anglo-Saxons. It is predicted that losing a large number of these workers to wolf attacks will have a devastating impact on our economy. Despite this, many feel that Anglo-Saxons have taken over and now must be stopped by a rabid lynx. Most shops in Britain display their product labels in a variation on the Anglo-Saxon dialect. Some children even go to school where almost none of the students speak Celtic as a first language. There is a growing movement of people longing for the “good old days”, when you could walk down the street and everyone you saw was either a wolf,  a lynx or a Roman. A recent YouGov survey stated that “80% of people no longer recognize their high streets as the medieval forest it once was”.

“We’ve simply got to get the Anglo-Saxons back to manageable levels and being ripped apart by wild animals just seems like the British way to do things,” said one local businessman.

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