Brexit Will Result In 60% More Boris Johnson

The EU Referendum Remain campaign has today warned that Britain leaving the EU will result in approximately 60% more Boris Johnson, coming from increased appearances in radio, television and newspapers and a further increase in the MP’s ego.

Photo Credit: Adam Proctor

Photo Credit: Adam Proctor

“There simply isn’t enough room for 60% more Boris Johnson. There’s barely enough room as it is. Do you know how many channels I have to click through to find a programme without Boris Johnson on it? He’s everywhere and he’s not bloody welcome,” said Hattie Pubbler, of Offord Road.

George Jamieson, of Paradise Street, told Islington Echo, “As a family we really struggle to get through the day without bursting into tears at the sight of him. I don’t see how any of us will cope with 60% more Boris Johnson in our lives. This is what the EU is here for. To protect us from stuff like Boris Johnson increases. I’m definitely voting to remain.”

It is understood that if Brexit occurs, Boris Johnson will be in a prime position to not only run for leader of the Conservative party, but will also be in a position to be at the forefront of any negotiations with the remaining EU countries. LSE has calculated that these additional roles will lead to the sharp increase of Boris Johnson, which it warns will have a devastating affect on the economy and the nation’s well-being. By 2030, if projected rates continue, it is expected that Boris Johnson will require more room and resources than needed to house over 1 million Turkish migrants.

Boris Johnson has replied to the latest research by saying, “Poppycockshackles. Blither bluther. Whiff whaff. Woo. Quite frankly, quite frankly, David Cameron. London. 60%? I expect 150% if we remain! Quite. Snow? Bluther.”

Karen Hillsong, from LSE, has told Islington Echo, “Every time Boris Johnson is on television or the radio, our country sees a sharp dip in productivity. This is due to a double cause and effect. Firstly, his voice is so grotesque and difficult to understand that people are unable to focus on anything but him. Secondly, upon tuning into what he is actually saying, people are usually so mortified and angry they have to take ten minutes to cool down. As such, it is our belief that the increase in Boris Johnson that will result from Brexit is of grave concern for our nation.”

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