SATs Vital To Crumble Self Esteem Of Working Class

Despite strong objections, the government has reiterated its stance on SATS, stating it is crucial to ensuring the lack of self worth of less privileged children for generations to come. Former education secretary Michael Gove told Islington Echo, “Studies have shown that children with decreased self esteem are far less likely to rise up and advocate the slaughter of the bourgeoisie.”

Nicky Morgan MP

Nicky Morgan MP

Nicky Morgan has today defended the current SATs system, insisting that they are vital to maintaining low self esteem among the working class. Responding to criticisms from parents and teachers, she said, “These SATs are the most important step for making sure that another generation of British people know their place. If parents really cared they would stop whining and just send their children to private schools where they do not have to sit the exams. I don’t want to hear that they don’t have the money. Either work harder at your job or work harder at slowly building up levels of mercury in your grandparent’s tea. If you can’t find the money to send your children to private school then clearly you’re just not worthy. And thus we see the system is working!”

David Cameron also added, “We need these exams so working class children especially will know that they are worthless. That way they will never question the privilege of the upper classes. It is the cornerstone of British society and British values. Anyone who is questioning this is questioning British values. I’m not saying they’re a terrorist. Of course I’m not saying this. I’m just saying, that British values are what the terrorists want to destroy. So, if you hate terrorists, you’ll fight for the right for our children to be forced to take these exams.”

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