As the junior doctors go on strike today, Islington Echo can finally reveal the true reason for Jeremy Hunt’s desperation for doctors to work on Saturday. It is alleged that by having Saturdays classed as a normal working day and not anti-social hours, then Jeremy Hunt hopes his children will stop asking why Daddy never has friends over.
Jeremy Hunt has gone through life lonely and friendless for a number of years now. It is understood that after his conduct crumbled the BSkyB deal, his Murdoch pals abandoned him, leaving only David Cameron, Nick Clegg and his aunt Lesley on his Facebook page. At the time of publication, Jeremy Hunt’s friend request to Boris Johnson had still gone unnoticed. His loneliness was allegedly exacerbated when he would come home from work to discover his children having friends over for tea; a tragic reminder that no friend had come over to visit Jeremy for almost four years now. Apparently, his eldest child would tug on his Armani suit and say, “Daddy Daddy Daddy, my friend Rupert was over today. Didn’t you used to have a friend called Rupert? Where is he? Is he coming over for tea, Daddy? Where are your friends?”
After relaying numerous excuses over the years for his friendless state, such as “My friends are all on holiday” or “They made it a manifesto promise to their constituents to avoid all contact with me” or “Daddy’s a despicable human being and the grave depths of my humanity will infect others’ souls”, Hunt discovered a far better excuse.
Mr Hunt told Islington Echo, “I realised I could use my position as Health Secretary to force doctors to work all hours, including Saturdays. That way I can hide in my office every Saturday under the pretense of NHS work to avoid going home to my children and face the truth that Daddy has no friends. Even the strike has been really good for my children’s opinion of me. I’ve got people ringing the house all day to hurl abuse at me, but I just pretend they’re having a good old chinwag and my children aren’t to know. And all these Junior Doctors demanding meetings with me all the time is actually rather lovely; it almost feels like I’m wanted.”