Fallen Old People To Be Played Chumbawamba Instead Of Helped Up

Elderly people in Islington will now be played hit single “I get knocked down but I get up again” by Chumbawamba when they fall over. This is to save on the cost of ambulances and carers having to make visits to old people to help them get back to their feet, since really they should just be able to do it themselves.

Cuts of up to 50% to the council means that many of the more frivolous services provided are being cut. As a result, the ability to conduct one’s life in the vertical position has been deemed non-vital. A local councillor told Islington Echo today, “Old people falling over is just an inevitability, especially with fewer being given in-home care due to cuts to social care. So given they’re going to keep falling over, the least they could do is just get themselves up on their own. That’s where Chumbawamba comes in. Their handy tutorial song on getting up again will surely save thousands for the council over the winter season.” 1927836_19846895432_2122_nChris Llewellen, 81 of Thornhill Road, said “I fell over twice in 2015. Once I wasn’t able to get up for days and I was just lucky when the postman heard me shouting and alerted the authorities who very kindly helped me. Then they installed a home alarm for me to use if it happens again. Now I won’t need to use it ever, thanks to Chumbawamba. I had never realised how easy it was for me to get myself up. I just drink a whiskey drink, I drink a vodka drink, I drink a lager drink, I drink a cider drink and then when I get knocked down I just get up again.”

Cathleen Rosa, 90 of Caledonian Road, told us, “I too have really benefitted from Chumbawamba’s track. The fact of the matter is, when I get knocked down I really do struggle to get up again and so, in fact, you are going to keep me down. What the council playing me this song has done is helped me to realise that it is my fault that I can’t get myself up again and I really don’t deserve to be vertical if I can’t achieve it by myself.” Cathleen told us this from her bathroom floor.

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