How to minimize self hatred after watching 5 episodes of Come Dine With Me in a row

Islington Echo would like to introduce our first guest columnist: Professor Rupert Giles. Prof. Giles is a cat who specializes in providing advice and support to the most common type of Islington resident; the unemployed creative.

In his debut column, Prof. Giles details how to minimize self hatred after watching five episodes of Come Dine With Me in a row; with a special focus on those days when you watch five episodes in a row despite them being a repeat you had previously watched. Over to the Professor.

  1. The most important thing to do once Come Dine With Me ends is to not allow yourself to wallow in the fact that Kaylie only got 22 points when she clearly deserved an 8 from Graham who then went on to win. Once the credits start rolling, swallow your hurt and make yourself a cup of tea.
  2. Whatever you do, do not turn off your television. When the television is off, you are in danger of “thinking” and “contemplating”. These are not recommended activities straight after a Come Dine With Me omnibus.
  3. Watching Four In A Bed is a small and constructive way to control your self hatred. Watching Four In A Bed will bring some much needed variation to your television viewing and this will bring you the sense of achievement your life is so evidently lacking.
  4. Try checking Twitter and see who else has used the hashtag #cdwm (not to be confused with the Dignitas marketing campaign #cdwm #comediewithme which is definitely to be avoided at this point in time.) Join in the social media conversation and allow yourself the temporary delusion that you have influence in the world, despite what your Klout score tells you.
  5. Tell yourself it’s OK and that it isn’t trash TV and it isn’t like normal daytime TV because Dave Lamb’s commentary is universally agreed comic genius.
  6. Remind yourself that at least you’re not as bad as any of the contestants, even if you don’t know how to make a chocolate fondant even though Graham criticised Kaylie for hers because it was “too easy”.
  7. Rest assured that you can always switch to Channel 4 + 1 and put off the hatred for another hour.

That’s all from Prof. Giles today. We hope you found him informative and helpful. Stay strong, people of Islington.

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