“No Sorry I Meant Poached Peach, Not Pear” Says Chef

World leading pastry chef, Henri Gascon, has revealed that his original recipe for Poached Pear was actually a typo in the translation of his seminal cookbook from French to English. The innovative chef has now admitted it was meant to be a recipe for Poached Peach and he is stunned that English people have been eating this “culinary catastrophe” for so many years, unchallenged.

Gascon told Islington Echo, “It was a mere typo in the English edition of my book, but then before I knew it everyone in Britain was poaching pears in Calvados as if that would stop them tasting like merde. Even Mary bloody Berry was at it. How is anyone eating a Poached Pear and thinking it is a pleasant experience. Obviously it was supposed to be peach.”

The revelation follows years of speculation during which British people were eating Poached Pears in their droves and wondering why they were just so consistently awful.

Photo Credit: Chef Sean Christopher

Really? [Photo Credit: Chef Sean Christopher]

Judith Harper, of Highbury Grove, said “I kept thinking it must be the recipe I was using. Everyone seemed to say it was cutting edge cuisine so I just kept trying again and again with different measurements of the ingredients. It never worked. The only time it came close to being palatable was when I just poured a bottle of brandy on top. I say palatable, I can’t really remember that one to be honest.”

The confession from Chef Gascon came to light due to a Freedom of Information Quest by local Islington pressure group, ‘Piss Off With Your Poached Pear’. Lucas Rowntree from Piss Off With Your Poached Pear told us “this was truly a great moment not just for Piss Off With Your Poached Pear, but for all people throughout Britain who have been disappointed by the worst of the fruits one too many times.”

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