Local Cat Lady Would Trade Them All In For A Labrador

A local neighbourhood cat lady has admitted that she would far rather have a cute Labrador puppy than any of her eight cats. “Seriously” she said, “why do you think I have to have eight of them? They’re such heartless bastards I’m lucky if one of them will come and play with a fish on the end of a piece of fucking string. It’s simply a numbers game in making my life less empty.”

The cat lady went on to say that literally the only two reasons why she doesn’t have a dog is because her lease forbids it and she works full time. She further told reporters that the only reason she is single is because she’s been holding out to find a rich enough man to allow her to give up work altogether to care for her aspirational dog. Further investigation revealed that the locally named ‘spinster’ had in fact received numerous marriage proposals over the years but had turned each one down as they were all self-confessed ‘cat people’. “People are so quick to judge. Just because I’ve got eight cats you think you know me? I’m a dog person through and through. If I had a dog, I’d only need one to give me the love of eight of these shitty felines.”

The local woman has been rumoured to be collecting the business cards of Islington based trappers with the intention of turning her cats into a fur coat to take wear when out walking with her new Labrador once she’s made it rich.


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